Just for the record

A bit of a break from my usual policy of steering away from anything too personal today. Sadly, my divorce from Tudor has taken an unexpected turn towards acrimony. Despite having made an agreement several weeks ago that we were going to divorce amicably without solicitors, and having agreed a financial settlement, Tudor has now instructed a solicitor and it looks like he's backing out of the financial settlement we agreed. This means I am almost certainly going to have to pull out of the flat I'm buying, which, as I've already moved out of the flat I've been renting a room in, leaves me homeless at present. This action is, apparently, due to the fact that an anonymous friend of Tudor's has been reading my blog and has told him that I've mentioned David and have been boasting about my 'new wonderful life'.

Just for the record then, I thought I should fill you in on my new wonderful life, which consists mainly of:

• Crying for a large proportion of my time, sometimes so hard I think I'm going to be sick
  
• Finding the guilt of how this has all come about almost impossible to live with
• Painfully missing Tudor and so many aspects of our 12 years together
• Discovering the delights of insomnia for the first time
• Finding it increasingly difficult to drag myself out of bed in the mornings/early afternoon
  

Probably a jolly good thing I don't drink I reckon, or I'd have daily hangovers to add to the list. As it is, the constant feeling of nausea and vague panic I'm suffering anyway will suffice.

Sorry to be a whinger, been trying hard to put a brave face on it all, which is why this blog has clearly given the wrong impression about how great, or otherwise, I'm feeling. Have a feeling just writing this will make Tudor more angry. Well, I don't suppose I can win either way. Anyway, despite recent events, I still intend to do everything possible to make sure this divorce does not turn into a fight. I don't see how either of us come out winners if that is the case. So out of respect for Tudor, and a desire to minimise the damage, I shan't be posting for a while guys.

I have a little sign that I carry around with me at the moment, which rather aptly says 'This would be really funny if it wasn't happening to me'.

Well good Lord, so much has happened recently. London came under attack and we at Charlotte's were put on 'high alert' for unplanned homebirths with people who couldn't make it into London hospitals, although we didn't have any. Well, I didn't anyway. And then David and I went to my dad's villa in Lanzarote, Blue Marlin, for a week, which was very nice indeed. The weather was fabulous and I managed to get the best tan I've ever had. Shall post one or two pictures as soon as I get round to downloading them from my camera... The week was however slightly marred by me being ill, as is always the way when you get some time off work, isn't it? It was a real pain actually, as it was just one thing after another. Started with a cold developing the day before we left (just on its way out now), had one night of indescribably painful heartburn (for the fourth time this year, despite never having had it before. Why? Is it just something that goes with being over 30?) then culminated with a lovely stomach bug, which hit me hard on the plane on the way back - not really the place you want it to happen, as I'm sure you'll agree. It was definitely a bug rather than a foody thing, as David developed it two days later. Then, to top it all off, they lost my suitcase on the way home. My own fault of course, as I was standing by the carousel explaining that I'd never had any baggage go missing at the time... Anyway, it turns out they'd sent it to Amsterdam by mistake and, although they know that, they still haven't managed to get it sent back to me, despite reassuring me daily that it's now at Heathrow and should be with me by the afternoon... Beginning to get a bit desperate now as it contained all my pants (so I'm having to do a nightly wash, which is pretty irritating) and, far more importantly, all my make-up. For those of you who know me well, you can imagine what distress this is causing me. Thank God I've got a good tan and an emergency mascara but still... Amazingly though, despite all that, the holiday was still pretty good.

While we were away, the survey was done on the flat I'm buying, which came back all good, so it's still full steam ahead, thank goodness. And the mortgage has officially been approved too, talk is for a completion date sometime mid-September so fingers crossed everyone!

Finally of course, the big news of the week. The release of the sixth Harry Potter book. We were away when it came out and scoured the whole island to try to find it but no luck, so on our return on Friday morning we ran out to buy two copies. I finished mine a day and a half later. Now, obviously, for those of you who have yet to read/finish yours, I shan't post any spoilers but SWEET BABY JESUS AND THE ORPHANS. I laughed, I cried, I cried again. Worth waiting for, but the resultant wait for book seven, which will undoubtedly be very different to all the others, given the ending of book six, will be AGONY! Please email any theories/insights to me direct, in order to avoid giving anything away here...

Salad In 'Delicious' Shocker

I've always considered salad to be some kind of punishment for all the nice food I really want to eat. I'll eat it, sometimes it even tastes okay, but, come on, let's face it, it's not the most exciting of foodstuffs.

But then came Spinach, Watercress and Rocket Salad. Drizzled with olive oil and - and this is the real secret - balsamic vinegar.

I can't get enough of it. I've eaten it every day this week. And REALLY enjoyed it.

Marillion Rocks!

I had two tickets to see Marillion - my favourite band as you are probably aware - on Thursday. I asked several people if they wanted to go with me but, for various reasons, no one was available to come with me. And no, it wasn't that they all thought they were rubbish, stop being so rude about my boys. I had asked David if he would come but, as a gentleman rather more partial to the blander side of the music scene (e.g. Jamie 'like listening to a slice of white bread' Cullum), he said something about rather eating his own spleen. Eventually however, when it became apparent that I would be rocking out on my own, he agreed to come along, under duress, to keep me company.

The concert was fabulous and I sang my little heart out. Which of your so-called modern-day popular beat combos would do a full-on gig followed by TWO encores with a total of SIX songs? Pah. You can keep 'em. Give me Steve Rothery looking like he's having an...ahem...rather pleasurable experience whilst playing his exquisite guitar solos, Mark Kelly, dark and brooding at the back, like an evil warlord secretly surveying his minions, Pete Trawavas bounding around like a hobbit on speed, Ian Mosley so laid back whilst playing extraordinary complicated drum fills that he looks like he may be finishing off a particularly nice tapestry at the same time, and of course H, filling the room with his presence and impossibly pitch perfect with every single note he sings ANYDAY.

Just before the last encore, David leant over and said "ok, you win. I will never take the piss out of them again. I'm converted." He then spent the yesterday wearing his newly-purchased Marillion t-shirt and asking when the next gig is.

In your face!

And so the spending begins

Been a day of sorting out stuff for the flat purchase today. Who to get to do the conveyancing? The cheapest (who are in The Wirral and I know nothing about)? The closest (so I can go down and shout at them if it takes too long)? The one who's been recommended (who is a bit on the pricey side)? Well, I went for a bit of a compromise. I went for one who is nearby to the property, been recommended by the estate agent and isn't TOO pricey although not the cheapest either. I'm hoping that the additional £200 or thereabouts gets me a fast and efficient service: hahaha. We are talking about solicitors here, after all...

Oh and I totally forgot about the additional costs on the mortgage - arrangement fee and of course the survey (going for a Homebuyer's) so that's another £660 pounds to find from, oh, I don't know, somewhere. Brilliant. I have to hold true to the thought that it will be worth it in the end.

Then I called the bank and had a heart-stopping moment as they discovered that the last quote I had (the one where I asked them to lend me a laughingly large amount of money and they, to my amazement, said yes) had not been 'put on the system'. This meant they had to go back to the person who decides about whether to lend laughingly large amounts of money to poor midwives and make the decision all over again. After answering a series of increasingly personal questions, they decided that I COULD have the laughingly large amount of money after all, which was very very nice of them indeed, thank you. Phew.

So, large amounts of additional cash to find notwithstanding, it looks like it's all go on the flat front, which is great news.

Birthday wise, I did very well again this year, so thanks to all my friends and family who chose so well. For example, I got a new stethoscope from my sister Toni, which I've been using today and is jolly nice indeed:


Yes! You ARE alive!

From David I got the most gorgeous bracelet (about which I'd dropped some unsubtle hints, like "that's really nice, that would make an ideal birthday present") and a fantastic canvas print from Habitat that I've had my eye on for ages, which will look really lovely on the wall of my new flat I reckon. On the day, we visited St Paul's Cathedral - fantastic, if you've never been, make the effort and go right to the top where it looks like this:


Londinium: 2005

Then we went to the Tate Modern, followed by a lovely meal on the Southbank, where a passing saxophonist was bribed by David to play Happy Birthday to me. Aaahhh.

Breaking news...

It's my birthday today! And, even more excitingly, I just spoke to the estate agent who told me that my offer on the flat has officially been accepted!

I'm moving back home...

Yippee!

I think I've got it...

I'm - very tentatively - celebrating this weekend as it looks like my offer's been accepted on the flat. Should know for definite on Monday as the people I'm buying from are looking at couple of places but the estate agent says it looks - very cautiously - as though we're full steam ahead. So I would like to take this opportunity to invite you - very hesitantly - to have dinner at mine whenever you fancy it... [looks to the sky and asks that nothing bad happens, particularly seeing as it's my birthday on Monday and it can't go wrong, just can't, wouldn't be fair, I love this flat so much, please please let it be mine]

YAY! I can hear the start of the thunder and I LOVE thunderstorms, particularly when the weather is hot and sticky.

I love the Japanese.

Nice/nasty continuum

Twiglets are great. They really are, I can't eat enough of them at the moment. Oven baked too, so don't feel too bad about it.

Have a nasty habit of bursting into tears at the moment, quite without warning. Happens to me in the car rather a lot, particularly when songs on the radio remind me of my current situation, and, embarrassingly, today it happened at a conference, where I nigh on drenched my trousers during one of the lectures. Thanks goes out to those friends seated next to me who discreetly passed me tissues.

The weather is LOVELY. I love hot weather, so shut up everyone who insists on moaning about how 'sticky' it is. For Christ's sake, we only get a hot day once every 10,000 years in England so when we do, stop your bloomin' moaning. As far as I'm concerned, there is no bad weather, just inappropriate clothing.

Had my first offer on the flat rejected, as I suspected I would, so have upped it slightly and am waiting to hear back. Can't really afford to go any higher so hope they'll see sense and let me have the flat which is, by rights, mine already I reckon.

Small child turns 18 and scary stuff happens

Afro Ben hits 18

Spent the weekend in Yorkshire as it was my nephew Benj's 18th birthday. 18?!?!?! My God, I remember him as a tiny tiny baby...oh well, that's not exactly true as he was nearly 10lbs at birth so in fact he was huge even then. Anyway, we had a nice meal at my sister Jenny's house in order to celebrate his coming-of-age. He's learning to drive and I made him drive me to my sister's house, which was surprisingly unscary.

Tudor and I met up on Monday and I'm very sad to say we've decided to go ahead with divorce proceedings. Can't really think of anything else to say about it, you can probably imagine what I'm feeling about it all.

Slightly nervous about even typing this, as it all seems a bit unreal and grown up, but in the name of 'moving on', I've just put an offer on a flat that I saw a while back and absolutely loved. I thought it would have long gone, but apparently they had a buyer which fell through so it's back on the market and I didn't want to let it go again. It's in Weybridge/Walton borders and in excellent decorative order which is good, because if I get it I won't have enough money to do anything with it! In fact, even getting a bed or a fridge or something to sit on will probably be impossible at first, but I reckon it's worth it. I'll just camp for the first few months...! I know what you're thinking - it's a bit far for work isn't it? - but I certainly can't afford anything in London and it's really not that far. I'm not often travelling in the rush hour so I can do the journey to work in about 30/40 mins if the road is clear, not much further than getting to Battersea! And I have a bit of an urge to go home, with all that's happened. So now we just wait to see if they accept my offer, which is a bit below the asking price and if not...well I'm not sure what I'll do. So fingers crossed for me please. If I get it, I'll invite you for a housewarming do. You might just have to come one at a time though, as it's only lickle...

Good luck to my sister Jen, who after SIX long years is doing her final exam today which will complete her law degree. Trying to do a degree at the same time as working, being a single mum and moving - not only to a new house but from the Surrey to Yorkshire - must have been damn tough and I haven't envied her a bit! But Jen: it's nearly all over...

I know I've sent you here before but go on, humour me, have another look, it really is my favourite website. Obviously if you have an objection to laughing at foreigners...well, then you won't be my friend.

Problems with my comments

I've recently been having a strange problem with my comments server. For some reason I can't fathom, I can't open the comments box from my home laptop. I emailed those nice people at enetation (who run the comments server) to see if they could help and received an email response from a nice bloke called Jonathan (Hi Jonathan!) who, in addition to trying to sort out my comments problem, has also been advising me on the best way to get over a broken relationship. Bless him. Alcohol and action/comedy films are the way to go apparently...

Work-wise things are going well, I've got a new partner called Emma - who was very nearly poached from us by the private midwifery scheme at work until we all kicked up a fuss and Emma chose to stay with us (hurrah!) - and on Friday morning two of my women had lovely waterbirths within a few hours of each other. Sadly I missed the second one due to being asleep after my all-nighter with the first woman (don't worry, my colleague Mel was there instead!), but it's nice to keep my stats in exemplary order...

I must go and remove the box of Fudge's Cheese Straws from beside me, before I eat them all. Probably too late actually, there are only four left. To be honest, I do prefer the Chedder Wafers, and only yesterday found out how gorgeous the Stilton Wafers are too. I can't recommend them highly enough, so if you have yet to discover these delightful crumbly cheesy treats then off you go to Waitrose/Sainsbury's this very afternoon to rectify this... Mmm mmm mmmmmmmmm...............

I know I'm a rubbish blogger

Despite my best efforts to blog regularly, I have a habit of turning around (not literally - I'd get dizzy) and realising it's been a month. That is BAD. And if there's any way I can make it up to you, please let me know. I do have good excuses, been a busy month, but nothing I wish to go into here I'm afraid. Sorry for being coy... *bats eyelashes*

In an act of contrition, here are some things I've enjoyed this month:

• Some lovely births - most memorably one of my girls who had a 10lb baby with no more fuss than it takes me to put the rubbish out
• Speaking at the Royal College of Midwives annual conference - all went very well and I felt very grown up in a skirt and heels playing with powerpoint
• Listening to The Coral's new single In the Morning, which always puts a smile on my face
• Discovering a very very smelly cheese called Epoisse: damn good
• Seeing my old college mate Martin Freeman become a bonafide star with Hitchhiker's and his own show on Radio 2, even if he did turn me down when I asked him out (many many years ago I hasten to add)
• Watching Derren Brown rub his face in glass, put a plastic bag over his head and stop his pulse, and completely cock up one of his tricks on stage at Woking
• Got a new phone as a free upgrade and free bluetooth headset, both rather natty I reckon
• Finally got my iPod sync'd with my laptop (oooh get me!) and updated all my playlists
• Sitting on Wandsworth Common with my friend Linda in the beautiful sunshine and remembering what Summer is all about

On a sadder note, my sister's dog Jack died a couple of days ago. He was no spring chicken but he was very cute and he will be sadly missed by the whole family.


Jack: RIP

Talking to the animals

David & I paid a visit to Whipsnade Wild Animal Park last week, which was very nice, if a little windy, but I can hardly blame them for that. The penguins smelt of fish and the lions were very scary. Cost a bloody fortune to get in! So if you are planning a visit, I recommend cutting down on life's little luxuries for a month or so in preparation.


They say 90% of men have tried...

I popped up to Yorkshire this weekend to show off my car and give her a good run: she was GORGEOUS by the way. What a lovely smooth ride she is... Anyway, It was lovely to see everyone and Barney has recently acquired two mice, named Lucifer & Beelzebub, who are very cute indeed. Behold the Princes of Darkness:


Gimme five!


What do you mean, do I make you feel like dancing?

Tasty little swedish number

So the big news of the week is that I've gone and got myself a car. Well, I'd had two scooter accidents within 1 1/2 months and was beginning to wonder whether if the thing about bad things happening in threes was true and, if so, whether I'd be lucky enough to walk away from a third... Plus I'd really like to be able to trundle up to Yorkshire a bit more often. So started looking at cars. As I was going past a Saab used car specialist, with no intention of stopping, I happen to see a rather lovely looking black 900s Coupe on the forecourt for a very reasonable price indeed. Intrigued, I stopped to take a look and ended up going for a test drive. Well, I was so impressed with the smooth drive that, after doing a bit of insurance research and doing my sums, I went back the next day and bought her. I love her very much indeed. Brief spec for those who are interested: 2.3l engine, power steering, electric windows, alloy wheels, 10 CD multichanger and very nice Sony stereo, full service history (mostly at the garage where I bought her), brand new clutch and battery, engine you could eat your dinner off. Drives like a dream and, though I say it myself having never been that interested in Saabs previously, looks like one too. Been a bit of dispute about the name though. I (jokingly at first) christened her 'Thor', as she is Swedish and black as thunder. However, I have been reliably and reasonably informed that I cannot call her (for all cars, as you know, are female) Thor and that technically I should call her by the feminine version of that name. Which of course is Thora. Quite different connetations, I think you'll agree.


Thor. Or Thora. You decide.


Does my bum look big in this?

Anyway, I'm now driving around as much as possible and enjoying every second.

By the way, just bought the Kaiser Chiefs' album, which is storming. Thoroughly recommend it.

Who Should You Vote For?

Yesterday I was sent a link to a site which gives you a series of questions about tax, immigration and so on and then, after asking who you expect you will be voting for and matching your replies with actual party policies, it makes a suggestion about who you should vote for in the next election. Here are my results:

Who should I vote for?

Your expected outcome:

Liberal Democrat

Your actual outcome:

Labour -18
Conservative -25
	Liberal Democrat 44
UK Independence Party -5
	Green 27

You should vote: Liberal Democrat

The LibDems take a strong stand against tax cuts and a strong one in favour of public services: they would make long-term residential care for the elderly free across the UK, and scrap university tuition fees. They are in favour of a ban on smoking in public places, but would relax laws on cannabis. They propose to change vehicle taxation to be based on usage rather than ownership.

Take the test at Who Should You Vote For

Interesting, huh? I'm just so relieved it didn't tell me I should be a Tory...

In other news, I'm on two weeks annual leave at the moment and have done pretty much bugger all so far. There are definitely things I should be doing but frankly, I just want to slob out while I can. I was, as is inevitably the case when you have some time off work, ill for the first few days with a nasty gastro bug and I'm only now beginning to eat properly again. But it's now half past twelve, and I'm still in my PJs. So sue me.

A tentative return...

Hello everyone. Firstly, although I can't believe there's anyone who doesn't already know, let me explain why I haven't blogged for...well about 3 months now. The short version is that I split up with Tudor in January so it seemed somewhat trivial to think about blogging. I also didn't want to air our dirty laundry in public, as it were. Tudor never liked me blogging at the best of times - he didn't really get it and found it distasteful that anyone could read what we've been up to - so I didn't want to upset him any more than was strictly necessary. But as things are settling down a little, I thought I'd start it up again, tentatively of course, and let you all know I'm okay. Which I kind of am. I'll not be getting too personal, don't really think that's fair on anyone, but I'll let you know if I've been up to anything really interesting!

For example. Two weeks ago I had a bike accident. Classic story, I was coming over the brow of a hill, saw someone waiting to pull out from a side road at the bottom and something told me that he was about to do something stupid so I began to slow down, although, with hindsight, not enough, obviously. Sure enough, just as I approached him, he pulled out and I had to brake hard to avoid him. I'm not sure if he just didn't see me, or thought he just had enough time to pull out before I reached him. Well, I would have got away with it if it hadn't just started raining pretty hard and the road surface, which was newly laid, was obviously pretty slippy. As soon as I touched the brakes the bike slipped from under me, leaving me bouncing down the road at 30mph. The driver in question drove off (I hope for his sake) oblivious. I was lucky, nowt was broken, but I did have a nasty gash to my chin - thanks to the shoddy behaviour of my Roof Boxer helmet which I urge everyone to shun - which took 3 stitches, although I was investigated for a fractured jaw at first, which put the willies up me I can tell you. Other than that, just grazed knees and elbows. Thanks to all at the West Middlesex A&E which was great. Anyway, I'm now on the mend, stitches are out and the gash is healing very very nicely, as you can see:


HIDEOUS. But the scar isn't too bad...

And last weekend I went to a wedding where they had, in addition to a spit roast pig AND a spit roast lamb, a chocolate fountain:


A chocolate fountain. A fountain of chocolate. A FOUNTAIN of CHOCOLATE

As I still had my stitches in at that point, I had several comments to the tune of "Excuse me, but you've got some chocolate on your chin..."