Just for the record

A bit of a break from my usual policy of steering away from anything too personal today. Sadly, my divorce from Tudor has taken an unexpected turn towards acrimony. Despite having made an agreement several weeks ago that we were going to divorce amicably without solicitors, and having agreed a financial settlement, Tudor has now instructed a solicitor and it looks like he's backing out of the financial settlement we agreed. This means I am almost certainly going to have to pull out of the flat I'm buying, which, as I've already moved out of the flat I've been renting a room in, leaves me homeless at present. This action is, apparently, due to the fact that an anonymous friend of Tudor's has been reading my blog and has told him that I've mentioned David and have been boasting about my 'new wonderful life'.

Just for the record then, I thought I should fill you in on my new wonderful life, which consists mainly of:

• Crying for a large proportion of my time, sometimes so hard I think I'm going to be sick
  
• Finding the guilt of how this has all come about almost impossible to live with
• Painfully missing Tudor and so many aspects of our 12 years together
• Discovering the delights of insomnia for the first time
• Finding it increasingly difficult to drag myself out of bed in the mornings/early afternoon
  

Probably a jolly good thing I don't drink I reckon, or I'd have daily hangovers to add to the list. As it is, the constant feeling of nausea and vague panic I'm suffering anyway will suffice.

Sorry to be a whinger, been trying hard to put a brave face on it all, which is why this blog has clearly given the wrong impression about how great, or otherwise, I'm feeling. Have a feeling just writing this will make Tudor more angry. Well, I don't suppose I can win either way. Anyway, despite recent events, I still intend to do everything possible to make sure this divorce does not turn into a fight. I don't see how either of us come out winners if that is the case. So out of respect for Tudor, and a desire to minimise the damage, I shan't be posting for a while guys.

I have a little sign that I carry around with me at the moment, which rather aptly says 'This would be really funny if it wasn't happening to me'.