Happy birthday to my lovely niece Liddi - 16 years old today - who has foolishly invited her boyfriend over to her house to meet and have dinner with my whole family. RIP Alec.
The kittens were neutered today: this is a polite way of saying that Gertie had her tubes tied and Rudy had his knackers chopped off ("Have you sent them to me for my birthday?" asked Liddi). I felt like a very bad mummy and even had a little cry, but I have been delighted to find that they have been as lively and friendly as ever this evening.
Finally, here's a link to the Borat website, which is very funny. Please do have a look at the trailer for his new film, which will undoubtedly be the must-see film of the year, and you absolutely MUST look at the bit which says 'I Innocent of Accusings of the Kazakhstan Government'. Way to avert an international crisis, Cohen! Brilliant.
Well, here's a thing. Every few days, or so it seems at the moment, I learn something about this world that makes me go 'Well bloody hell. What's that all about then?' I had just such a moment yesterday. This will take some explaining, particularly if this is new to you, so bare with me.
Computer games. There are lots of them. Pong was only the start, my friends. There are different types: some are 'shoot 'em ups', some are 'platform' games and there are also 'role-playing' games, which are fairly self-explanatory. One of the most popular ones is called World of Warcraft, another is Adventure Island. Now in order to play, say World of Warcraft (known colloquially as WoW), although the idea is to, eventually, start a war and take over the continent, but in order to do that you have to start right at the beginning. You have to round up some peasants, get them to go and mine lots of gold in order to finance the project, train them up as an army, as well as building villages, growing food in order to sustain them, and all that malarky. Then, as you go along, you can 'earn' different weapons or armour through various different means. With me so far?
So, these games are very popular around the world, particularly - don't look surprised - America. But people can't always be bothered to spend all this time mining gold, so - and this is where it gets a bit freaky - the Chinese have set up several 'farming colonies', who spend all their time mining and then selling their gold via eBay to impatient Americans. Let's just look at that again, shall we? Chinese people, working in rotation, usually eating and sleeping together in a big room, play computer games 24 hrs a day in order to mine virtual gold to sell for real dollars to international gamers.
If you don't believe me, here's a short video about it:
Yesterday I acquired something really cool: Limequats.
Perhaps you may like to use these mini-marvels in segment form to accompany smoked salmon blinis. Clearly the ultimate in fruit minaturisation; something I've long approved of.
I decided to take a photo of it and looked for something I could use for scale. I couldn't find a pickaxe, so instead I came across an old tupp'ny bit that I thought would do the job nicely. Anyway, I took a few photos, including the one above, and then decided to try a few with flash, to see if it looked better. But when I did the strangest thing happened...
The two penny piece disappeared!
Later, I asked around and a neighbour told me that there did used to be a tupp'ny bit that lived here, but it died in a mysterious fire. An old pound note was arrested but the charges were dropped due to lack of evidence. But apparently, sometimes, if you listen very carefully, when the Bank of England announce an increase in the base rate, you can still hear it clinking as it bounces and rolls across the floor...
Firstly: get well soon Richard Hammond. As someone who has nurtured a (not-so) secret ambition to become a Top Gear presenter for many a year, I was delighted for 'the Hamster' that he achieved his own goal to become so. Driving a car that goes from 0-272mph in 6 seconds is a double-edged sword; surely one of the most exciting and dangerous experiences of your life. I hope he makes a full recovery, and the footage is shown to great relief/hilarity on the show in the not-too-distant future...
Secondly: it's started. I was shopping a couple of days ago at...well, I'm not going to mention the name, because shopping in Matalan isn't exactly the height of glamour, is it? Oh bugger. Anyway, right there, front of the store: the C******** department. The other C word, as I like to call it. Just so's we're not in any doubt about this: I'm terminally broke these days (oh the joys of home-ownership) so unless you're close family you can whistle dixie for a present. The good thing about this is that you don't have to get me one either! And if you are close family, expect some dreadfully shoddy home-made nonsense. Just a warning.
Thirdly: Last night I went to see An Inconvenient Truth. It really is a stunning piece of work and beautifully pitched by Al Gore. I was expecting one of those rather gut-wrenching, terrifying, 'oh shit I know I really should be doing something about this but I think I'll just kill myself now instead' type experiences but that isn't what it's about. It's a very factual, simple to understand explanation of exactly what is happening to the planet and why and - this being the crucial factor - what we can do about it. And guess what? It's (not) surprisingly simple! So, being as you probably all know I'm a bit of an old hippy at heart, I have some simple requests for all reading this.
Go and see the film. Really. You have no excuses, this is your home we're talking about.
Recycle recycle recycle. Reuse. Turn off your unused appliances - did you know that if you leave your mobile phone charger plugged in when it's not charging your phone it's still using electricity? As does your hairdryer? Simply switching it off at the plug will save you money AND your planet. What a bargain. Use low-voltage light bulbs. Use your legs or public transport rather than your car if possible. Use eco-friendly cleaning products: I notice that Tesco are doing their own brand eco products now and I've seen (and used) Anthony Worrall-Thompson's range at Asda as well as the excellent Ecover range.
Come on people - do we really have to wait till the planet's fucked beyond repair before we'll get off our arses and do something about it? What are we: Americans?
I've just spent a couple of days in Milton Keynes. Now firstly, before I trash the place, if anyone reading this is from Milton Keynes...well, congratulate yourself on being one of the 5% who can actually read.
The thing about MK is that it has been specially designed to be a) friendly b) practical and c) highly accessible. It fails spectacularly on all fronts. It is populated by a series of ever-more-bizarre looking freaks. You know the types: EMO obsessed teenagers, people so fat they have to have specially designed chairs to glide around in and people who long ago realised that it doesn't matter if they are wearing a tea cosy on their head and have a piss stain down the front of their trousers because the incessant drooling and lolloping gait attract enough attention away from any sartorial errors. The neverending series of concrete underpasses that direct you up and down through the 'town' like a geriatric rollercoaster are so dangerous after 6pm that you might as well loosen your belt before you attempt to navigate your way through them to save time. I say 'town', because of course, there isn't one. One big sprawling shopping mall, packed to the gills during the day and instantly deserted as if by magic the moment the shutters come down, is the closest you'll get to a high street. By road, the endless roundabouts leave you nauseous and hopelessly lost on even the simplest of journeys. The beauty of MK, they say, is that it doesn't really matter which road you take, they all lead to the same place eventually! Whilst my grasp of English Literature has never been solid, I've a feeling this very theme was raised in one or the other of Jean Paul Satre's plays.
The overall effect is that MK is deeply sinister. It makes West World seem jolly and safe, makes Yul Brynner look like a kindly old uncle. Even the road signs are sinister, though how they can make simple black writing on a white background send a shiver that shakes me to my very core, I don't know. I mean, surely somewhere where people can ski, in England, inside a building, must speak for itself.
Oh and just in case you needed any further convincing, I took a picture of one of the local nightclubs. Nuff said.
First up: Little Miss Sunshine. Absolute brilliance at every turn. A final pay-off that will make you laugh so hard your stomach will fall out onto the cinema floor. What more could you want? Can't recommend it highly enough.
Second: Talledega Nights: The Ballad of Ricky Bobby. Hilarious characters: check*. Amusing situations: check. Great one-liners: check. Silly accents: check. But does it work as a film? Not quite. Enjoyable enough, but somehow not cohesive enough to make this a classic comedy, unlike Will Ferrells Anchorman, which simply does not get better.
There endeth the lesson.
*Of particular note are Ricky's children and the drunken wife of the Nascar team boss.
Today is, of course the fifth anniversary of the massive terrorist attacks on the USA. Whilst I am not, in any way, trying to belittle the enormity of this tragedy, today is more memorable to me because of a very different event that took place two years prior to that horrendous event, because seven years ago today Tudor & I got married.
Seven years ago, at this time, we'd just finished saying our vows and were standing out on the lawn at the Cambridge Cottage at Kew Gardens, eating sandwiches, drinking champagne and having some photos taken. I was immensely happy that day, never imagining that only a few years later we'd be apart.
I wish Tudor all the best for the future. I sincerely and genuinely hope that he is happy and that we can still, in some way, be a part of each other's lives.
What a lovely day. And it's not in the least bit depressing to think that it's probably the last nice day we'll get this year.
I'm feeling pretty rough today, not sure why, some kind of virus I think. Spinning head, queasy tummy, general feeling of fatigue. I'm currently tucked up with my duvet on the sofa. So imagine my delight when I got up to feed the cats, only discover that somehow my freezer door has been left slightly open and half my stuff has defrosted. The body count so far:
Leftover boeuf bourguignon
Leftover beef madras
2 bags of frozen prawns
3 packets of bacon
1 bag of leftover gravy
4 pork chops
2 chicken breasts
Bugger. If I had the energy and appetite, I'd try to cook as much of it up as possible to try to salvage it but frankly, I'd keel over if I tried.
I realise I'm very very behind on this, but I just saw the Goatse picture. It is, of course, deeply unpleasant. Fortunately I'm not in the least bit squeamish and just found it rather fascinating in its utter pointlessness but - just in case you haven't yet seen it and have a slightly less robust stomach than myself - DO think twice before you google it...
Tuesday, September 05, 2006
Today I have been mostly amusing myself greatly, every time my kittens have been pouncing on each other and rolling around fighting, by shouting at them: "Not now Kato!"
I'm really shocked and saddened about the death of Steve Irwin today. Tudes and I saw him in action at Australia Zoo when we were there in 2000. I'd been a big fan for ages and we made a special a trip out there, never really believing we'd actually see him, but when we went to the crocodile show, lo and behold Steve bounded in, holding his daughter Bindi, wife Terri on the mic, and leapt around with all the enthusiasm and energy of a labrador puppy. He was a great entertainer, a passionate conservationist; a real life Hagrid. I thought the statement from his friend and producer John Stainton summed it up nicely:
"He died doing what he loves best. He left this world in a happy and peaceful state of mind. Crocs rule!''
