I don't think I've ever felt more stressed than I am just now. It seems strange to me, given that I have, over the past few years, arranged a wedding, got divorced, bought 3 properties, done a midwifery degree, ran a team of teenage pregnancy midwives which was severely depleted, packed up and moved to Canada and dealt with my mother's developing Alzheimer's. And yet at the moment I find myself in a constant state of flux; my jaw aches from clenching my teeth, I have regular headaches, my shoulders are up by my ears, my hands are constantly in fists and I am twitchy and distracted. I have to take a deep breath and force my body to relax
every few minutes. I'm not even sure exactly why, I know it's because I'm trying to plan lots of things to do with my up-coming trip (though nearly all my own preparations are complete, I've just got a few things to finish sorting out for Isaac, who is working full-time and has no computer) and I know I'm worried about the money side of things, particularly because I still have no temping work, but why it's affecting me so much physically I don't really know. For the first time in my life, I feel like I really need a massage, rather than just fancy one. Of course I can't bloody afford one!I'm sure when I actually get on the plane and go, I'll begin to relax and enjoy myself. In fact I can't wait. Being back together with Isaac will help! But for now, I'm trying to find other distractions where possible...
The picture is, in case you're wondering, part of a famous stress test. Stressed individuals might notice some differences between the two dolphins. Personally, I can't see any.
*yes yes, I know
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