Ice Skating Smelling of Lemons

Before heading out last night, I thought I'd put on a little bit of my new perfume oil from the Body Shop, Lemon Tea. It's very fresh and citrussy, as the name suggests, and I thought I'd gently dab a little on my wrists to make me smell nice... unfortunately as I was doing so I managed to tip half the bottle over me, my jeans and my bed cover.

Last night I went ice skating at Kew Gardens with my friends Ellie and Gemma, and a bunch of Kew Gardens employees Ellie works with. Because they all work there we got in free (hurrah!) and it was very pretty, twinkly & Christmassy (oh dear). I'd wrapped up very warm indeed, jumper, thick coat, scarf, hat & gloves only to remember too late that a) it was 12 degrees and b) ice skating is hard work. I was therefore absolutely sweltering and throwing off bits of clothes as I went round and round.

Torvill & Dean (were not there)

I'm not actually too bad at skating - was a pretty hot rollerskater in my heyday (i.e. when I was 10) - and managed to get 50 minutes into the hour without a single fall. Then, as I was chatting to one of the people Ellie works with, he said he was going to 'go and smash into someone'. Clearly I had earlier been hypnotised and 'smash' had been the trigger word, as the very moment he said it, I fell smack on my arse for absolutely no reason. All his fault.

So the Kew Gardens employees will probably forever more remember me as the girl on the scooter who has a sore arse and smells of lemons.

The Tour Manager's Guide to Arco's World Tour

Before I begin telling you about Barca, I just wanted to say today was my first day co-ordinating the team and, despite a rocky start, involving not one but two premature births and only two midwives on today, I think we got through it. Thanks Katie and Sally!

So, Barca. Don't forget to hover your mouse over the piccies for captions. We started by picking up Chris at 4am and driving to Luton. Then we picked up the Tour Bus (some might call it a shuttle bus from the mid-term car park to the airport terminal but they're just jealous) and tried to look lively. We failed.


We flew over the beautiful Pyrenees on the way to Spain (at least I think it was the Pyrenees. Seeing as both Tudor & I failed geography, it could have been Kilimanjaro for all we know)

Our hostel, the Gat Xino, was lovely - more like a hotel really, small but neat and very clean, all white and lime green. We spent the afternoon of our arrival wandering down La (Las? Los?) Ramblas, which is the main shopping street with lots of stalls and street performers. Our favourites were a) the two blokes painted grey on bicycles with a skeleton who clapped hands and cycled frantically when you put money in their tins:

and b) the man who looked like Tony Curtis, dressed in a dirty mac, making clucky noises and winking at the young boys walking by. Yes, his street performance was as a GAY! Hilarious! And if you put money in his pot he did this:


We couldn't stay long however, as we had to go and set up for the gig. It was in a place called Mercat de les Flors (flower market) and, apart from the minor hiccup of Chris being electrocuted during the sound check, it all went very well.

and Tudor did very well indeed, I thought.


When the gig was over, we stayed in the bar whilst Juanra (the guy who'd organised our trip, which incidentally was sponsored by our very good friends at San Miguel - the refreshing taste of latin culture, mmmmmm.) did a DJ set. Eventually at about 1.30am it was all finished and I thought it was time to go home to bed but No! We may have got up at 3am the previous day but this was arco's World Tour and we had to push on through. The decision was made to go and find a bar to have another drink or two. Although Dave (bass player) and I really wanted to go to bed (not together, you filthy-minded people, it wasn't THAT kind of tour) we decided we had to go because whatever the funniest thing to happen that weekend was to be, it would surely happen that night if we weren't there. And the others would never shut up about it. So we limped along like zombies to the only bar we could find that was open. Inevitably, it was a gay bar. Full of drag queens to boot.

I just knew it. Anyway, off to bed around 3am (yawn!).

Up late the next day to have a bit of shop and wander round town. Started off the day with brunch at an outside cafe and the boys had a very small beer each to start the day off.


There's some very nice architecture old Barca way:

And some a rather impressive food market too:

The boys were delighted to be dragged shopping, natch.


In the evening, we'd booked a table at a restaurant called PLA, which was a tip off from John, who works at my friend's Sarah's company, who apparently had the best meal of his life there. Damn good it was too. They even served shot glasses of onion soup as pre-starter starter. Yum!


Then off to another bar (phew!) via some more extraordinary architecture,

and home by 2am. Lightweights...

The next day, over brunch, we debated where to go and ended up choosing the Gaudi park which is a mad park designed by...well, you can guess.

It was excellent and we took the opportunity to take some promo shots of the band whilst we were there:

Maybe we got a little carried away.

The view from the top of the park was good, well worth the climb.


To the airport at five and flew home (well what did you expect us to do at the airport?). What a jolly good trip.

Barcelona there we went! Impeach Blair!

Just got back from Barca last night, had a tip top 3 days with arco. I will put together a little summary of our trip, along with photos natch, for your delight and pleasure.

In the meantime I wanted to share with you some correspondence passed on to me by my friend Guy. He recently wrote to his (conservative) MP in support of the 'Impeach Tony Blair' campaign. His letter went as follows:

Sir John,

I moved into Tonbridge this time last year, and must confess I know nothing about you or your policies other than you are Conservative. Having duly confessed, I feel I must write to you now, of a matter of great importance.

I suspect you must have a stock answer for this subject, since it concerns the campaign to impeach Tony Blair. I realise most MPs think this campaign is crackers, and I do understand why. However, on balance it seems to me that the preservation of democracy is more important than the seemingly-cheeky exploitation of old laws and loopholes. And I realise that sounds terribly melodramatic, but please allow me a few words to explain why I chose those words.

I don't know what your opinion of the Iraq war was / is, but it seems to be beyond question that there are enough concerns surrounding it for a proper parliamentary process to begin. The tired Blair refrain of "four enquires already" simply doesn't wash, since none have been independent AND had a frame of reference to ask the questions that need to be asked. I think those questions are included in the report prepared by the impeachment campaigners, called "A Case To Answer", of which you are no doubt at least aware. There is no possibility of these questions ever being answered with current parliamentary procedures, which exclude the possibility of debating a possible untruth. If a person is not compelled to resign following a misdemeanour, then democracy must perish, since there is no accountability other than the ballot box. This to us is wholly unsatisfactory, not least because there would be no inquiry into the matter whatever the outcome, and the public would never be formally informed of the alleged crimes.

I would very much like you to read this report. About half the country now require answers at the last count, and parliament appears to be arrogantly dismissing us. If you do not support the campaign to impeach, I would be very interested to hear your reasons why, but I do hope "it's such an old procedure" isn't one of them!

Finally, I should add I have never been within a million miles of voting Conservative in my whole life. But if your party had the guts to at least examine what has amounted to an extraordinary collection of lies, it could sway not only my own heartfelt prejudices, but those of a great deal more.

Adam Curtis' BBC documentary The Power Of Nightmares, has suggested the world is currently "imagining the worst consequences of an enemy that doesn't exist". There are a lot of us who would rather like someone to look into this.

Yours Sincerely,

GUY ROWLAND

To his surprise, the reply went as follows:

May I welcome you to Tonbridge and Malling. I hope you are pleased with your move here.

I share your concerns about many aspects of the war in Iraq and you may like to have a copy of the Hansard of my latest speech in the House of Commons on November 4 on this subject in which I argued as to why I believe the invasion of Iraq has made the world less safe.

As a member of the House of Commons Foreign Affairs Committee, I have necessarily had to spend a very great deal of time scrutinising the Government's policy towards Iraq both before the invasion and since. As you mention Mr Blair's refrain of "four inquiries already" and as one of those was the Foreign Affairs Committee's inquiry, I should like to state something that Mr Blair always omits which is that I and my two other Conservative colleagues on the Committee voted against the Foreign Affairs Committee's inquiry report which reflects the views of the Labour majority on the Committee.

Following the war, as it became increasingly and then conclusively, apparent that Britain had been taken to war on the basis of a totally false prospectus. I have made several calls in the House of Commons for the Prime Minister to consider resignation.

I am putting your impeachment proposal directly to Mr Blair and I will write to you again when I receive his reply.

Yours sincerely,

John Stanley

Well, how about that then. Imagine - a Conservative MP with a conscience who seeks to serve the people. Whatever next?

So off you go to http://www.impeachblair.org to join in the fun...

Granny Bea, Promotion and Ocado

Tudor & Andy arrived back from Wales last night, on the occasion of Granny Bea's birthday. As you will see, they had organised a sponge cake to celebrate, 2 slices of which made their way back down south for me and Sarah. Yummy. Is there really ANYTHING better than cake? If there is, I have not yet discovered it...


Since the departure of Mike Nolan, the remaining members of Bucks Fizz have never again reached the dizzying heights of their post-Eurovision success


In other news, it is now confirmed that from the end of next week, I will be taking over from Cindy as Team Leader - as an acting G-Grade (for non-NHS readers this just basically means a promotion) at first until it is advertised, at which point I will apply for the permanent post. As I'll already be doing the job I'll have a distinct advantage at interview (in theory at least)...

I must admit, I'm rather daunted. Firstly and most importantly because it signals the departure of the utterly wonderful Cindy, who we will miss hugely, and whose shoes I cannot hope to fill adequately. She has done so much for the team and takes on so many extra tasks that I don't think I even realise half of what I'm taking on! But I'll do my best and my team are so great I'm sure they'll forgive the inevitable cock-ups I'll make. It's also rather early in my midwifery career for me to be taking on this kind of responsibility and I hope I'm up to it. However, my friends and colleagues seem to think I am so I'll do my best not to let them down. Go easy on me guys!

I'm glad my comments server seems to be working for you - unfortunately for some unknown reason I'm not able to post on it myself (any ideas? Lisa?) so until that's sorted I'll have to reply here. My Ocado shopping turned up yesterday one hour early (they did call and ask if that was okay and if not they'd come back during the original time slot. These guys are professionals) and complete with every last thing I'd ordered. They delivery driver, Paul, was very polite and brought my shopping into the kitchen for me, explained about the colour coded bags (purple for cupboard stuff, red for fridge stuff and yellow for freezer stuff. These guys are professionals) and even commented that the purple bags complimented my purple dressing gown... Brilliant stuff. I'm going to use them every week from now on.

Righto, I'm off to yoga (missed last week as I was at one of the numerous births!) and then to meet Sarah at Lifespa in Ealing for a massage, followed by a girly viewing of some 80s classics on DVD. What a perfect day.

What a week

Been a very busy week this week. Had two births on Saturday, postnatal visits and a labourer on Sunday (handed over care to my excellent colleague Katie and she had her baby on Monday morning), college Monday (last day - better start on that bloomin' essay now), visits all day Tuesday then took over from my partner Sally looking after someone who had just had a baby and was waiting for a placenta, visits all day wednesday and finally had a bit of a break this morning. I probably should be out doing visits right now but hey ho. Instead I've just lost my Ocado virginity, which is very exciting, should get my first delivery tomorrow between 1 & 2pm. I'll let you know how it all goes, naturally. Seeing as I haven't had the time (or the car) to go shopping properly for serveral weeks, it will be a bit of shock to have so much food in the house I reckon. Tudor won't know what has hit him when he returns from Wales!

Yes, he's in Wales visiting Granny Bea with our friend Andy. I couldn't get the time off work just now, in case you think he's abandoned me the poor dote.

I'm trying out a new comments server, please let me know if you have any problems. You shouldn't have to register or anything now to leave me compliments/insults/insightful summats & nuttins...

Why the election result might - just might - work out okay in the long run

I wanted to share with you an email I received from my friend Guy in response to my vitriolic outburst on the blog the other day. This is why I love this man:

Cheer up... just a bit.
Here are 17 reasons, and at least number 17 is good. And I have number 18, which IMHO is way way better than any of them.

This week was an amazing deja vu for me. Not for 2000 Gore/Bush, but for 1992 Kinnock/Major. When I saw Kerry punching the air earlier in the week I just thought "oooooohhh no..... sheffield arena a week before the election... Kinnock going "alllllriiiighht!!!" over and over again like a lunatic... oooohhh NOOOOOOO!!!!!" everything was heading their way and the result was a horrible nightmarish surprise.

And I think the reason is the same then as now - fear. In 1992 people read the Sun that morning, and were told how much they'd lose under Labour, depending on their income. We're selfish bastards, were afraid we wouldn't get our new tellys and voted Tory, even though we knew they were a bunch of bastards. This time, same thing except they are afraid of getting attacked again. This is stupid and wrong, but we know it. Even they know that Bush is a twat (well, not all of them know this but probably around half who voted Bush do), but in the words of their placard he "makes them feel safe". Poor deluded idiots, but there we are.

Why is this good news? Because of one glorious number...1997. Let's just forget for a moment the whole ugly Blair/War thing. That victory was so cataclysmic that the Tories are still totally unelectable, all these years later. And there are 2 reasons - 1, Labour got their act together, and 2, the Tories were in power at the wrong time. All their policies for the previous 14 years came home to roost, the NHS started to fall apart etc, and finally people noticed. Hell, we EVEN stopped thinking about new tellys, even though it has taken Labour another 5 years to realise this.

Now, we all have to hope and pray that the Democracts can now get their act together. But meanwhile number 2 is a dead cert. Their economy is utterly fucked. Have you seen their deficeit figures? There is no way that they can carry on as they are for four more years, and even republicans will begin to notice eventually. And here's the really great bit... this would have been KERRY's fault! Now there is nowhere to run. And though its a horrible thought, it seems inevitable that someone else will attack America directly, and Bush voters claimed that the fact they HADN'T been attacked since 9/11 was a reason to say Bush knew what he was doing.

So it comes to this - four more years. And they will be AWFUL. Maybe he'll attack North Korea and we're all gonners, in which case we need to have somemore discussions on what faith used to be before the fundmentalists fucked it over, because natually I'm not that pessimistic even then. But believe it or not, there is actually quite a good chance that we'll all survive. And in four years time, there is every chance that the republicans will not be allowed back in the White House for the next 20 years, they will have corrupted it so much.

And another cheery thought on all this... remember the teleevangelist mania of the early 80's? It seemed unstoppable. Until they were all caught embezzoling funds and shagging each other. Any group that sets themselves up as being holy holy has been ultimately shown to be the hypocritical lying bastards that they are in the end, in this case the results will be devastating. You just know that killing 100,000 Iraqis is not perceived as immoral, but getting a blow job from a secretary is, and with "moral issues" scoring higher than even security in this election, this is where it will really hurt.

Now, meanwhile we really must do something about Tony Blair. Channel that anger and point it here

Download and read their report. It is excellent. They have 25 MPs at the moment, it is time to really start lobbying. Half of us in this country agree with this report - if we all get on our MPs backs, we could really get somewhere.

And reason 19, we will always ALWAYS have chocolate...

Guy xx

Dear America...

And so George Bush has been returned by the American people to the White House.

You totally idiotic, gullible, moronic, imbecilic, cretinous bunch of f**k-wits.

What the f**k were you thinking? Oh, sorry, you WEREN'T thinking, were you? You clearly aren't CAPABLE of thinking. Well, have fun continuing to f**k things up for the next four years, sinking yourselves and - let's not forget they exist - the rest of the world deeper and deeper in to the quagmire that is this 'state of terror' you have almost single-handedly created. And while you're about it, why not continue driving the world further and further towards a state of total environmental collapse in pursuit of your sick, misguided and xenophobic 'American Dream'. American Dream? Too right it's a dream, because it has absolutely no basis - and no place - in reality. YOU ARE NOT THE WORLD. So go on, blow up anyone who disagrees with you, has more oil than you, or who has the temerity to have a different religious belief to you. Drill for oil in the North Pole, South Pole, Kalahari Desert and anywhere else you fancy turning into swiss cheese. Wipe out any endangered species you feel like in order to supply your people with enough electricity to watch Jerry Springer 24/7 and enough processed shit to eat that you become morbidly obese and can't get your fat arses off the sofa. Act like the biggest bully in the playground and tell everyone else 'I know WE'VE got catapults but that's because WE'RE responsible. But YOU can't have one and if I so much as SUSPECT you might have one then we're going to kill you. Because WE'RE the good guys'. Nice attitude. Bet Jesus and his dad are dead proud of you all.

Anyone know a good planet I can emigrate to?