I am not in the office at the moment...

Oh this is priceless.

Burn them!

I thought that it was time that I finally commented on the huge news story of the week. No, not that one about Ben Fogle contracting a flesh-eating bug, though naturally we all wish him a speedy recovery. No, the ol' Brand & Ross scandal. I must say that I was SHOCKED and HORRIFIED that two COMEDIANS known for their NEAR THE KNUCKLE humour made a PRANK call to a fellow CELEBRITY and said something that might be considered in POOR TASTE and felt COMPELLED to write the BBC immediately.

This I did in fact, so I'd like to think that the fact that Jonathan Ross was not sacked was a direct result of my email asking them not to.

Who'd have thought it, eh? Erm...have you ever actually listened to their shows? Well, to be honest, I've never listened to Russell Brand's, because I'm not really a big fan of his, but I know what kind of humour I might be liable to find should I choose to tune in. I am a long-time listener of JR however and have often marvelled at his ability to say some fairly outrageous things and get away with it. But get away with it he does, because there's absolutely no malice behind what he's saying and he's just so cheeky and likeable (well, to those of us who like him I suppose) that you just can't be cross with him. I remember him interviewing Richard Briers a few years back and practically the whole interview consisted of him making lewd comments about Felicity Kendal and telling Richard that he was so old he was probably going to die any moment. You've never heard anyone giggle so much as Richard Briers did that day.

I'll be honest, I've seen the transcript of the calls they made to Andrew Sachs and they were pretty bad - I'm not surprised Andrew Sachs was rather offended - but whoever decides about these things (the producer of the show I presume), thought it was alright to go out on air anyway. Two listeners of the show even complained about it. Both Brand & Ross wrote letters of apology and sent flowers, as they should have, which Andrew accepted graciously, as he should have. But the ridiculous furore that has resulted from the publicity about it all, and the thousands of complaints received from people who almost certainly did not listen to the show and have probably never listened to the show, made my blood boil. The fact that Gordon Brown (you might have heard of him, he's our Prime Minister apparently) waded in was ludicrous. I'm not that bothered about Brand resigning, as I say I'm not a huge fan, but if JR had been sacked I might well have had to go and throw eggs at something.

Someone I used to know just posted a comment on my facebook page in response to my joining a 'Support Russell Brand and Jonathan Ross' group (well, I felt I had to do something) saying 'I rather think those obnoxious, overpaid, opinionated self-publicists can do without my support, ta very much'. Well, firstly, I never asked him to support them. I never expect anyone to support anything I personally believe in - I may feel the need to vote with my feet (with my Nestle boycott and refusal to buy from Esso for example) but I do not judge others for making different choices to me. Secondly, being obnoxious and opinionated self-publicists is what makes these people interesting and entertaining - it's the reason why we want to watch them (would you prefer it if all presenters were more like, say, Michael Parkinsozzzzzzzzzz oops sorry fell asleep just thinking about him there) and that they're paid so much. Over paid? Possibly, if you compare what they earn to a nurse or a teacher or a fireman, but I don't think it's a fair comparison. Compared to a Premiership footballer? Got yourself a bargain. Compared to the CEO of a large company? Probably about the same, but I'd rather watch 'Friday Night with Jonathan Ross' than 'Friday Night with the CEO of Glaxo Smithkline*', and I'm fairly sure I'm not alone. In fact, the viewer figures suggest I'm not.

So let's not have any of this pitchfork brandishing, burning torch waving, angry mob stupidity over two people doing what is, essentially, their job: entertaining the public by being rude about people.

*This might be unfair, he might be hilarious for all I know.

Cakes and doughnuts

My sweet tooth is getting out of hand. Yesterday Liddi & I spent the afternoon making cupcakes, which were nice but I got the recipe from my friends Jack & Christi (Christi's from New Orleans dontcha know) and the measurements were all in 'cups', as those crazy Yanks tend to do. I tried to convert them online to grams, but have found that you get a different measurement for each website you use - often with wild variation between them! So I've no idea if the quantities I used were right; they didn't rise as much as I was hoping but they tasted nice enough so that's all that matters really. We had fun decorating them and writing all our names on them, although for Isaac I chose instead to do a portrait of him from the time he dyed his hair blond when he was around 13. The resemblance is uncanny and the shade of yellow identical.


Then the other day Liddi revealed to me that she'd never had a Krispy Kreme doughnut*, which is, frankly, criminal. To my horror, a bit of research revealed that the North of England has an extreme dearth of Krispy Kremes, as it turns out Manchester is the only place you can get them up here! We wondered whether we should throw caution to the wind and go there anyway - despite the 2 hour driving time - before realising that I had to go to Manchester anyway today to pick up my sister Toni from the airport! Kismet, surely? So off we trot today.

*why dough-nut do you think? I mean, dough, obviously, but in what sense is it a nut?

Another 'kids say the funniest things' story for you: I was just reading some bedtime stories to my friend Lisa's daughter Maggie, who started school recently. Roald Dahl's Revolting Rhymes, so just as much of a pleasure for me as for her I think! Then she picked up a book with some pictures and simple words in it (head, hand, knee, ball, duck, that sort of thing) and I asked her to read it to me, as she'd just started learning to read. We got to 'cot' followed by 'clock' and, while turning the page, she absent-mindedly said 'cot and clock alliterate don't they?'

Yes, yes they do.

Run Bambi run!

A classic example of children seeing things slightly differently to adults for you: I was watching Bambi with my friend Linda's daughter Chiara, who has just turned 3. You know that bit when Bambi and his mother were running through the forest away from the hunter and you hear that shot ring out, suddenly the mother is no longer behind him and eventually Bambi is told by a stag that appears that his mother can't be with him anymore; it is of course a very sad moment. Chiara turns to me, sadly, and says 'Bambi's mother can't be with him anymore because she's gone to have lunch.'

Take on me

Those of us who were there in the 80s will surely appreciate this.

"Dave Gorman"

I have uncovered two new blogs - or should that be "new" blogs?* - today which have been delighting me. The unexpected adding of a former school friend on good old facebook last night (Hello Jude!) led me to discover you can now become a fan of Dave Gorman's on facebook. Seemed like kismet to me, given that I'd just spend the past three days downloading and watching The Dave Gorman Collection, Dave Gorman's Important Astrological Experiment (DGIAE), Dave Gorman's America Unchained and Dave Gorman's Googlewhack Adventure in order to introduce Isaac to them when we get to NZ. A fan of Dave Gorman I undoubtedly am and I was ready and willing to proclaim this to the world. Or, at least, to the population of facebook.

Incidentally, Dave Gorman has an unusual effect on me. I have now met him twice and both times he literally sucked the personality right out of me. He probably had no idea he was doing it, I'm not blaming him. But both times I met him I instantly became the most boring person who ever existed, because, I'm guessing, I think he's bloody brilliant, I wanted to try to impress him somehow, and so I got total brain freeze. I couldn't think of anything to say. At all. NOTHING. So I tried to tell him I'd seen one of his other shows and got the name wrong. I told him I was Tudor's wife** but he just looked at me as though he felt very sorry for Tudor. Eventually I slunk off, to both our relief.

*sigh*

Anyhoo, back to the story. Dave Gorman's facebook page told me he had a blog. So that was blog number 1 and it's well worth a visit if you, like me, are a fan. The other blog I mentioned is this one***, to which I found a link via Dave Gorman's facebook page. I love it: it appeals to my inner grammar nazi.

*you'll see
**which I was at the time, and Tudor had been the sound supervisor on DGIAE, so it wasn't just a totally random statement
***told you

Me: Doctor doctor, I feel like a wigwam and a teepee...

Doctor: You're too tense [two tents]*

I don't think I've ever felt more stressed than I am just now. It seems strange to me, given that I have, over the past few years, arranged a wedding, got divorced, bought 3 properties, done a midwifery degree, ran a team of teenage pregnancy midwives which was severely depleted, packed up and moved to Canada and dealt with my mother's developing Alzheimer's. And yet at the moment I find myself in a constant state of flux; my jaw aches from clenching my teeth, I have regular headaches, my shoulders are up by my ears, my hands are constantly in fists and I am twitchy and distracted. I have to take a deep breath and force my body to relax every few minutes. I'm not even sure exactly why, I know it's because I'm trying to plan lots of things to do with my up-coming trip (though nearly all my own preparations are complete, I've just got a few things to finish sorting out for Isaac, who is working full-time and has no computer) and I know I'm worried about the money side of things, particularly because I still have no temping work, but why it's affecting me so much physically I don't really know. For the first time in my life, I feel like I really need a massage, rather than just fancy one. Of course I can't bloody afford one!

I'm sure when I actually get on the plane and go, I'll begin to relax and enjoy myself. In fact I can't wait. Being back together with Isaac will help! But for now, I'm trying to find other distractions where possible...

The picture is, in case you're wondering, part of a famous stress test. Stressed individuals might notice some differences between the two dolphins. Personally, I can't see any.

*yes yes, I know