You know you're turning into a Canadian when...

• You no longer see ridiculously huge trucks as ridiculous. Or that huge.
• You look out for a Tim Horton's everywhere you go and get very excited at the thought of an iced cap.
• You call an iced cappuccino an iced cap.
• And you can order an mocha-chocca-frappa-cappuccino (made with 2% please) without blushing.
• You no longer get quite so irritated with the plethora of adverts on the telly. Still pretty irritated, to be fair, but not so much that you want to kill something everytime you try to watch Friends.
• You start thinking 'Oh it's only a 5 hour drive - we should pop over for the day.'
• Muffins start to seem like a legitimate breakfast food.
• You no longer get shocked at the smell of marijuana in public places.
• You automatically take your shoes off whenever you enter someone's house without having to be asked
• You take the piss out of people from Saskatchewan and whenever you meet someone from Newfoundland you automatically think of sodomy.
• You start saying 'regular' coke instead of 'normal' coke.
• You stop laughing everytime someone says 'eh?' at the end of a sentence.
• You no longer turn back when you see a dead skunk at the side of the road just to get a better look/smell.
• You accept that plug sockets spark alarmingly when you plug something in without panicking that there's something wrong with the electrics.

HOWEVER:

• I shall never stop finding the word 'fanny' funny
  
• I shall never refer to visiting your holiday home as going 'cottaging'.

(Shortly after typing this post, I popped into the bookshop at Edmonton Airport - whose free wi-fi I'm currently using, thanks guys - and saw a book called 'How to be a Canadian' by Will & Ian Ferguson. I took it as a sign. I bought it. I'm reading it. It's very funny indeed.)

Regression and the story of Ontario Part 2

So on the Friday evening, Isaac, Jordan & Matt arrived to pick me up. Isaac, with big hair, bandanna and shorts pulled down so far they were practically round his knees, turned up looking just as gangsta as I hoped and I took a running leap into his arms to catch up with a month's worth of missed hugs.

We drove north towards Orillia, where the boys live. By the time we arrived at Isaac's parents' house - after a stop off to Jordan's to meet a heap of other friends - it was dark. I approached the house with no expectations and was quickly blown away. We crossed the bridge to the house with Isaac turning on fairy lights left right and centre. There was pond, a treehouse, a zipline, a trampoline, a hot tub, a waterwheel, and that was just on the outside. At every stop I kept saying how it was the coolest house I'd ever seen but with every turn it just got cooler. Eventually, when we got to Isaac & Reilly's floor, Isaac opened the door to the bathroom and showed me a cage above the bath. He said 'Do you want to see Reilly's hedgehog?'. 'STOP!' I shouted 'I'm having a cool-overload here!'

The next 10 days passed by as if in a lovely dream. Imo & Mary Lyn, Isaac's parents, are fabulous and couldn't be more hospitable. Reilly, Isaac's younger brother is great and almost forgave me for stealing his brother from him. Isaac's friends - Hale, Mike, Tyler, Smokie, Porter, Dylan, Philly Cheese Steak and the ever-brilliant Jordan - are a good bunch and I enjoyed hanging out with them.

But here's the thing. Most people, when they go on holiday, go to a place. Maybe France, maybe Italy, maybe Butlins. But slowly, as time went on, it dawned on me that I'd gone on holiday to my teens.

Let's look at the evidence. I was hanging out with teenage boys. While out driving with Reilly, the gangsta rap was cranked up to the max and the sub-woofer in the boot was pounding out the bass*. We admired sweet trucks we saw. I never had to cook (except when I made my banoffee pie for the family). My washing was done for me. I didn't clean. I rode the zipline. I bounced on the trampoline. I went to bed late. I got up late. I was, on at least one occasion, trying to hide my (slight) intoxication from Isaac's mum. We drove through the 25 acres of bushland at the back of the house in the middle of the night in a 4x4 and got stuck in mud; we left the truck there and walked back. We hung out in car parks. We drove down to the port and wandered along looking at huge boats.

It was great. It was just what I needed. And I fell in love with the house and the lifestyle the terrain afforded. Isaac & Reilly grew up with no telly, running amok in the bush and building stuff. On one bush walk Isaac suddenly said 'Would you like to see our Door Fort?' 'Your what?!' I laughed. 'Our Door Fort. A fort Reilly & I made from doors. Why is that funny? he asked. 'Oh, no reason,' I replied 'we all have one of those in London.' We also walked past a random shed-type thing somewhere out back and inside was a beautiful handmade wooden boat complete with engine. 'Oh Reilly built that when he was 10' I was told.

After a week or so, I mooted the idea of staying with Isaac. 'What if, I didn't go back to Banff?' 'Really? Would you stay? Would you?' He seemed pretty keen. The next day I had lunch with his mum and mentioned my idea to her and she immediately offered for me to stay with them for the summer. Instead I asked if it would be possible to rent the cabin next door to their house and she said yes straight away. The following day she called me when I was out with Isaac and asked me if I would be interested in a job she'd just come across at the place where she worked, working as a Treetop Trekking Guide, and if so, she'd be happy to drop my CV in for me. My decision was complete.


The last couple of days I was there Isaac & made a road trip down to go to a birthday party for a friend of ours from Sunshine (Jess) down near Toronto (Mississauga in case you're interested). We then went on to Niagara Falls to spend the weekend - doing the Journey Behind the Falls and the Maid of the Mist tours. It was fabulous and it made me realise I had so much new to discover in Ontario.

So here's to it!

Pictures of the coolest house in the world here. Niagara photos here.

*At one point I suddenly became hysterical with laughter and when asked why, I said 'I've just realised I'm IN one of those cars that, when it passes me back home, I think to myself 'what a bunch of twats!'

All change! and the story of Ontario Part 1

Well do I have some gossip for you.

I have lots to tell about my time in Ontario, which I suspect I'll do over 2 posts, but I'll start by telling you the big news that my summer plans have changed.

As you may remember, I was planning to work the Calgary Stampede with Chelsea, then go back to work at CMH, the heli-hiking company, as a bus host for the summer in Banff. However, after falling in love with Ontario after my holiday there, I've decided instead to move there for the summer. I have blown off my CMH gig - Traci my would-be boss there was fabulous about it, told me that I'd not burnt any bridges and that any time I wanted a job with them, summer or winter, I was very welcome to come back - and am not going to work the Stampede either, which did look amazing but will have to wait for another time. Instead, after packing up all my remaining stuff in Banff this morning and taking the bus to Edmonton to stay with Megan & Craig again (the poor things must feel like the long-suffering parents to a repeatedly prodigal daughter), I'm flying back to Toronto on Monday. I'm going to be renting the (small) house next door to Isaac's parents - Isaac will join me there - and have applied for a job as a Tree Top Trekking Guide at the Horseshoe Resort, where MaryLyn, Isaac's mum, works. I've already had a telephone interview and they reckon I'm a shoe-in, but have a proper interview next week and will start training straight away if successful. Isaac is getting a car - well, actually a big 4x4 truck - ready for me to drive to and from work. I am going to be a redneck for the summer, and I'm proud.


So I should tell you how this all came about. Well the story starts when I arrived in Toronto to stay with my cousin Tine, who hadn't seen for something in the region of 15 years, and her husband Chris. She picked me up at the airport - waving a small Danish flag of course! - and drove me back to her house in Newmarket, around an hour out of Toronto. The house is lovely and my mini-break there began in great style with a BBQ. She has 2 sons, Michael and Shane, who are 21 and 17 respectively, who were lovely, so polite and thoughtful (to me at least; I'm sure, like all brothers, they can be a right handful at times!) Tine & I talked and talked and talked for hours, catching up on all the family gossip on both sides.


The next couple of days saw me shopping with Michael, popping in to see where Tine works, being dropped off in Toronto for a day's exploring (great city, and it reminded me more of London than any other city I've been to), dinner at the top of the CN Tower (where the food was stunning), more BBQs and bike rides and walks in the sweltering and humid heat.

The Friday happened to be Shane's Prom. I know this is starting to become a popular thing back home but here it is firmly established and, after a photo shoot at home to get pictures of Shane in his suit (in 35 degrees the poor love!), we all headed over for pre-Prom drinks at a school friend's parents house. The house was ENORMOUS and they'd catered for 150 school kids and parents. The kids looked amazing, though I dread to think how many hours of preparation and dollars went into making then look that way! We waved them all off in limousines, and made our way back to Tine & Chris's house to wait for Isaac, Jordan & Matt to pick me up for the next leg of my holiday.

Just by way of explanation, Isaac worked with me in Guest Services at Sunshine: we considered ourselves the A-Team. We had the same days off so we became very close and confided in each other about all aspects of our lives out in Banff. We began each and every day with a huge hug - often for long minutes at a time - and this got us into trouble with our boss, Susan, who didn't like us being so close. She was clearly insanely jealous, though whether it was me or Isaac she was jealous about, we never established. Towards the end of the season we actually got banned from hugging, then from talking to each other, which of course only made us more determined to find ways and means to carry on regardless. I'd met his parents when they'd come to visit and got on famously, so when they'd asked me to come and visit them in the summer I jumped at the chance! Isaac had had to leave Sunshine nearly 3 weeks before we closed because his staff accommodation was withdrawn. I had offered to put him up at the Beaver, but with the new people coming in, we weren't sure if they'd have told on us to the landlords, so we didn't want to risk it. So he headed back to his parents' place in Coldwater, Ontario but we stayed in regular contact and we missed each other terribly. Jordan is his friend from back home who'd also worked at Sunshine, in the rentals tech shop with Gravy, and whom I also adored. Matt is their friend who I hadn't met. I was sooooo excited about seeing Isaac again and knew we'd have a fabulous time - he'd taken 10 days off work to spend time with me - and indeed we did.

Part 2 to follow...

Connection problems

Sorry I've gone incommunicado for while - I've been staying at Isaac's with only occasional (and rather slow) internet access. Will try to post properly in the next couple of days, because I have much to tell about my crazy adventures in Ontario. Or Onterrible as it's known. Very quick summary: Stayed with my cousin Tine, who I haven't seen for something like 15 years, for a few days before being picked up by Isaac, Jordan & their friend Matt, and have been at Isaac's parents for the past 10 days in their fabulous fabulous house, with which I'm totally in love. Now just arrived in Calgary for Stampede training and hope to meet up with Ali (my neighbour and dance partner) tomorrow, who's just arrived here too and go back with Megan too.

Bear with me

So yesterday saw Pepe & I leaving Banff and venturing up to Edmonton, leaving a small present for the remaining members of the Beaver Massive on the coffee table. We decided to take the route along the Icefields Parkway, which is renowned for being picturesque, but the last time I drove along it you couldn't see diddly squat, due to low cloud cover and Pepe had never done that particular route. So after cramming all my stuff into the car - you should
have seen the look on Pepe's face when he saw all my stuff! But only because he had tons too - we set off. We knew it would put a couple of hours on our journey, but thought it would be worth it for the rich and soul-nourishing views.

Well I reckon it was. It took us 7 hours but along the way I saw not one, but TWO bears (which Pepe was heartily unimpressed with: "So it's a bear, get over it! It's only a small one.") and a moose. Sadly not a chocolate one, but you can't have everything I suppose. Pepe was far more excited when we saw a few cars had stopped at the side of the road (usually a sign there was 'nature stuff' around) and saw that some guy had got his car stuck in a ditch. The French are a strange breed indeed.

Weezer pay tribute to the stars of YouTube

I shall blog about my somewhat exciting but long journey to Edmonton tomorrow but, in the meantime, enjoy one of the best music videos around from the ever-brilliant Weezer.

Last night of Beaver

Done.

Feels strange to be leaving the Beaver, but I suppose it isn't really the Beaver anymore. We have so many new housemates - who are alright but do some very annoying things like moving our stuff, throwing our stuff away, blocking up the kitchen sink with rice and playing Christian power ballads loudly at 7.30am outside my bedroom - that the good old days of the Beaver, a place where everybody knows your name, seems long gone.

Even Starla is stripped bare and has been returned to the gimp hole. I bet she'll be thinking of the good times - when she was dressed up in outlandish outfits and repeatedly groped - too.

We're going out tonight to the Elk & Oarsman, because it will be the last time I'll see Gravy & Zander (who are also moving out today). Then, in the grand tradition of things, we'll head off to a bar and I'll watch them all get rat-arsed while I sit back and treasure the memories.

[quick update: just had my inspection done, which determines whether I get my damage deposit back. My bedroom floor was 'dusty' apparently (even though I had both swept and mopped it, but I made a point of doing it again while she was there to show the pitifully small amount of 'dust' I managed to pick up) and there was also some 'dust' under the television in the lounge. They're coming back tomorrow to check this has been cleaned. I'm being charged for the repair done to the shower screen - despite it having been damaged since before I moved in - which amounts to the cost of the parts replaced by our landlord himself: 2 tiny track rollers and some sealant. Divided, presumably, between all four of us living here. If it comes to more than a couple of dollars I swear I'm taking a brick to their window. They also considering charging me for the cost of repairs to the small lavatory (that had been leaking) which I don't use. I should know in 10 days how much I'm getting back. Great.]