The fact that I don't drink has long been a source of amusement and fascination for, well, pretty much everyone it seems. The most typical version of the conversation goes as follows:
Random Person: What are you drinking?
Me: Coke
RP: Just Coke?
Me: Yes.
RP: Are you driving?
Me: No, I don't drink.
RP: You don't drink? Not at all?
Me: No.
RP: Really?
Me: Yes.
RP: Well done you. I wish I didn't drink [takes another swig of beer]. Why don't you drink then?
Me: I don't really like it.
RP: Me neither [another swig]. I don't know why I do it [orders another beer]. So you really don't drink then?
Me: No, I really don't drink.
RP: Are you religious?
Me: No. My body is not a temple and neither am I a recovering alcoholic.
RP: Well then. Go on, just have one.
Me: No thanks.
RP: You probably just haven't found the right drink yet.
Me: I've worked in numerous pubs and have tried every drink under the sun, but I'm just not really interested.
RP: You should try [insert random drink name], you can't even taste the alcohol in that.
Me: I'm pretty sure I could actually. And anyway, I don't really like being drunk so I'd rather not.
RP: Oh it's great - you should have seen me, I was so pissed last week I... [insert random disgusting act, usually involving vomiting or urinating in an inappropriate place and/or a near-death experience]
I could go on, but given that I already have to endure this conversation several times a week, I don't really want to bore us all.
The thing is, my decision not to drink is not a difficult one, by any means. When people say to me 'well done', as they so often do, it implies some degree of effort on my part. Let me clear this up once and for all: there is no effort involved. I LOVE not drinking.
I don't like the taste of alcohol. Even alcoholic drinks I almost enjoy - well, that's only gin & tonic to be precise - would taste much nicer to me if it didn't have alcohol in it. There is no alcoholic drink that I 'can't taste the alcohol' in. I can taste alcohol in a trifle, I can certainly taste it in a Sex on a Cosmopolitan Beach with a Sea Breeze. I don't enjoy feeling drunk. It doesn't make me any more able to chat to people, or to dance, or to flirt, than when I'm sober. If anything, it slightly detracts from these things. It doesn't make me more likely to do outrageous things, and I don't want it to. I believe the facebook photos prove I'm enough of a liability when sober. I hate seeing people - particularly friends - doing embarrassing things because they're drunk and I don't want that to be me. I have never experienced the 'once I start drinking I just want to carry on' feeling. Once I've drunk 3 or 4 drinks and feel totally trashed, I just want to start drinking soft drinks. I hate the thought of being so drunk I forget things that have happened. I hate the thought of not knowing how I got home, or of relying on friends (or, God forbid, strangers) to get me home safely. I have no desire to accidentally sleep with someone I didn't fancy or didn't know the name of or, worse, not be able to remember if I did or not. I can't stand being sick and have no desire to induce this process in any way. I'd be mortally embarrassed if I was sick in an inappropriate place and if someone else had to clear it up, doubly so. I don't understand why seemingly normal, sane people seem to think that being incapacitated and vomiting on their friend's carpet/bed/grandmother is funny or desirable. I find it hard enough to get up in the mornings; how people do it with a hangover - or still drunk - I really don't know. Add to that having had only a couple of hours sleep and a day's work to look forward to and you've got yourself a really shitty day. Is it really worth it? Many people seem to think it is.
I realise not everyone who drinks behaves like this. I also realise that I have good friends, who I love and adore, who do experience these things and it doesn't make them bad people. It's just that, personally, I don't get it.
In the name of transparency, I'm happy to admit there have been occasions - 3 or 4 recently - when I've had a few drinks to see if I can work out what all the fuss it about (my body, as I've mentioned previously, is not a temple and I don't not drink for any moral reasons, so I can break my own rules any time I want). I am pleased to report that the results of the rigorous scientific testing I have carried out prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm definitely not missing out on anything.
3 comments:
You've missed another favourite question out of that:
"Are you pregnant?"
My significant better had a similar conversation up in Newcastle at my brother's birthday party. Now, it's Newcastle and it's a party so her drinking apple juice was looked on with suspicion anyway.
People knew we weren't driving back to the hotel, so just couldn't understand why she wasn't drinking. The only thing they thought was that she must be pregnant.
An alternative to the whole debate is to say "I'm already pissed. And you *still* look ugly by the way".
Seen a whole lot of messy people having run bars for years. I think I can say that while I do still drink, I don't drink to excess. Especially on a school night.
You mean to say that you don't drink? At all?? ....well done you! I wish I didn't drink. I must admit that working in bars (often with you), you do see people do pretty stupid things when drunk - fight, cry, become far too sentimental, make friends with people they don't like, break friends with people they do like, drink more, be ill...etc, as you say, the list goes on! Being sober and watching drunk people is a really good example of why we should all stay sober! After all that, you'd think that I don't drink either? I wish!!
Yay.
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