My name is Mia and I'm not an alcoholic

The fact that I don't drink has long been a source of amusement and fascination for, well, pretty much everyone it seems. The most typical version of the conversation goes as follows:

Random Person: What are you drinking?
Me: Coke
RP: Just Coke?
Me: Yes.
RP: Are you driving?
Me: No, I don't drink.
RP: You don't drink? Not at all?
Me: No.
RP: Really?
Me: Yes.
RP: Well done you. I wish I didn't drink [takes another swig of beer]. Why don't you drink then?
Me: I don't really like it.
RP: Me neither [another swig]. I don't know why I do it [orders another beer]. So you really don't drink then?
Me: No, I really don't drink.
RP: Are you religious?
Me: No. My body is not a temple and neither am I a recovering alcoholic.
RP: Well then. Go on, just have one.
Me: No thanks.
RP: You probably just haven't found the right drink yet.
Me: I've worked in numerous pubs and have tried every drink under the sun, but I'm just not really interested.
RP: You should try [insert random drink name], you can't even taste the alcohol in that.
Me: I'm pretty sure I could actually. And anyway, I don't really like being drunk so I'd rather not.
RP: Oh it's great - you should have seen me, I was so pissed last week I... [insert random disgusting act, usually involving vomiting or urinating in an inappropriate place and/or a near-death experience]

I could go on, but given that I already have to endure this conversation several times a week, I don't really want to bore us all.

The thing is, my decision not to drink is not a difficult one, by any means. When people say to me 'well done', as they so often do, it implies some degree of effort on my part. Let me clear this up once and for all: there is no effort involved. I LOVE not drinking.

I don't like the taste of alcohol. Even alcoholic drinks I almost enjoy - well, that's only gin & tonic to be precise - would taste much nicer to me if it didn't have alcohol in it. There is no alcoholic drink that I 'can't taste the alcohol' in. I can taste alcohol in a trifle, I can certainly taste it in a Sex on a Cosmopolitan Beach with a Sea Breeze. I don't enjoy feeling drunk. It doesn't make me any more able to chat to people, or to dance, or to flirt, than when I'm sober. If anything, it slightly detracts from these things. It doesn't make me more likely to do outrageous things, and I don't want it to. I believe the facebook photos prove I'm enough of a liability when sober. I hate seeing people - particularly friends - doing embarrassing things because they're drunk and I don't want that to be me. I have never experienced the 'once I start drinking I just want to carry on' feeling. Once I've drunk 3 or 4 drinks and feel totally trashed, I just want to start drinking soft drinks. I hate the thought of being so drunk I forget things that have happened. I hate the thought of not knowing how I got home, or of relying on friends (or, God forbid, strangers) to get me home safely. I have no desire to accidentally sleep with someone I didn't fancy or didn't know the name of or, worse, not be able to remember if I did or not. I can't stand being sick and have no desire to induce this process in any way. I'd be mortally embarrassed if I was sick in an inappropriate place and if someone else had to clear it up, doubly so. I don't understand why seemingly normal, sane people seem to think that being incapacitated and vomiting on their friend's carpet/bed/grandmother is funny or desirable. I find it hard enough to get up in the mornings; how people do it with a hangover - or still drunk - I really don't know. Add to that having had only a couple of hours sleep and a day's work to look forward to and you've got yourself a really shitty day. Is it really worth it? Many people seem to think it is.

I realise not everyone who drinks behaves like this. I also realise that I have good friends, who I love and adore, who do experience these things and it doesn't make them bad people. It's just that, personally, I don't get it.

In the name of transparency, I'm happy to admit there have been occasions - 3 or 4 recently - when I've had a few drinks to see if I can work out what all the fuss it about (my body, as I've mentioned previously, is not a temple and I don't not drink for any moral reasons, so I can break my own rules any time I want). I am pleased to report that the results of the rigorous scientific testing I have carried out prove, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that I'm definitely not missing out on anything.

Pink Moon*

The lunar eclipse tonight**

*Thanks goes to Nick Drake for inspiring this title
**Thanks goes to Zander for loaning me his anal probe, oops sorry, tripod, to take this picture

Catching up

You know how you want to blog about something exciting, but don't get the time, then something else happens but you don't want to blog about that till you've got round to blogging about the first thing, then before you know it, you haven't blogged for ages and you know that when you do you're going to have to write loads so that puts you off and then everyone starts sending you 'you haven't blogged for ages, are you ok?' emails...? Hmmm. Yes. Well, here goes, I'll try to keep it brief.

So let me start from the first exciting thing. Just over a week ago I went on a road trip with some of my buddies to Montana in the US of A. We crammed 9 of us into 2
rooms at the Super 8 Motel in Whitefish and skied for 2 days at Big Mountain, which was beyond awesome. There was tons and tons of snow, and it was very different from the snow we get at Sunshine - very wet in fact. We ended each day twice as heavy as we began. We saw tons of snow ghosts (which is where the trees are totally covered in snow and look like ghosts. Duh.) The runs were great, lots of tree runs with waist deep powder and the first day I really struggled to get down them with my skis because they're quite long and more suitable for carving on groomed runs. I stacked it quite a lot but it was soft to fall in so I didn't mind, but come day 2, I decided that I needed something more suitable for the terrain. I rented a pair of Rossignol Bandits, which I was told would be suitable for all mountain skiing. Well. They were AWESOME and enabled me to ski everything, including my first double black diamond (Picture Chutes, in case you're interested). I handed them back reluctantly but the following day we went to do a bit of shopping to take advantage of the cheap American prices and I ended up getting a sweet sweet deal on some of my own! Kate & I, along with our compadres Sarah & Lyndsey, also hit the terrain park while we were there and I rode my first ever rail. Or box. Or whatever it was. Anyway, I managed to get over it without falling and land on the other side, which surprised me so much that I fell over as soon as I realised.


The footage of this will, of course, go into the snowboarding/skiing video that Kate & I are currently making, provisionally titled '40 Fanny Stacks'. So that was Montana. A great success all round.

Then the other night we decided to go ice skating up at the outdoor rink at the Banff
Springs Hotel. A combination of missing the bus, not knowing where we were going and having to go somewhere else entirely to rent skates meant that we only had half an hour to skate so speed skating was the order of the day, which was most enjoyable. Matt, Laura & I rocked our way cool Beaver St Massiv hoodies, designed by Zander and now owned by every member of the Beaver, as well as selected couch surfers that we've had, in a variety of colours. We look so rad* when we go out en masse with our hoodies.

Then yesterday I had another ski lesson, which was cool, because the sun was glorious and the air was ridiculously warm. My skiing is coming along leaps and bounds and I
don't think there's anything I won't at least have a go at now. Being on my new skis helps tons! They are so flexible and easy to turn on, so come powder or moguls, I can attack them with confidence. Today I went out again with Chris, Amy & Chris's friend Dave and we hit the whole resort. I did 2 jumps, which I even managed to land! I'll be honest, Whitefish has somewhat spoiled us for terrain and snow, so Sunshine does now pale into insignificance in some respects, but hey, it's my home mountain and I know which runs I like, so I can't really complain...

*I'm 19 again.

Sick as a dawg

Just over a week ago, I got another cold. I've actually lost count of the number of colds I've had out here in Canada - far far more than I'd ever have expected to get back home, where I'm actually pretty damn healthy - not to mention that sodding bronchitis I had, so when this one developed I thought, ah well, back to the old decongestant spray and cough sweets, good thing I've still got some left over, eh?

The cold was fine in the first few days and didn't stop me when we went to Kicking Horse, but the aching I described at the end of my last post seemed to get worse throughout the day, along with a general feeling of malaise and exhaustion. This is weird, I thought, until about 4pm on Saturday, when I realised that I was in fact ill. Ah, that explains it. I warned my boss I might have to call in sick and went home to rest. That night my whole house were heading out to celebrate Rachel's last night in town by going to a Jelly Wrestling party*, but I was beginning to develop a temperature so as the others headed out, I headed to bed instead. A fitful night saw me with a raging temperature in the morning and so weak that I couldn't call out to get my flatmate Chelsea to come in to my room. Eventually I called our house phone with my mobile (ah the wonders of modern life) and she came in. Paracetamol and ibuprofen did not seem able to knock my temperature down so Chelsea - and gawd bless her cottons for this - got cold flannels and sponged me down. I was scared, because I haven't had that high a temperature in years and genuinely thought I had meningitis or something. I got Chelsea - who seriously deserves a medal - to check me for rashes. Eventually she had to go, leaving me with a nashi pear for sustenance, and I spend the day drifting in and out of sleep, at times hot, at times cold, in the way of such things.

The following 2 days saw a steady improvement, though the cold, which I've now come to think of as unrelated to the subsequent flu (and this was proper flu, not just a bad cold) was able to proliferate in my weakened immune system to the extent that by Tuesday, when I was able to leave the house with friends to go shopping, I was literally a mucous factory. I've never produced so much mucous in my entire life. I was thinking of setting up some kind of bio-chemical plant, because I reckon if we could find a way to make it power cars, I could be rich, rich I tells ya. Or I could use it to make a rival product to blu tack - green tack I thought I might call it - and conquer the world that way instead. Anyway, I went to a pharmacist to ask for help with reducing the mucousy proportions. He suggested psuedoephidrine, which I was sure was the stuff that used to send me a bit loopy as a teenager, and have avoided ever since just in case. Still, I was desperate, so on top of my already extensive pharmaceutical line-up of ibuprofen, acetominophen (which is what they call paracetamol over here for reasons best known to themeselves), xylometazoline nasal spray, antibacterial/anaesthetic lozenges and Ricola swiss herb cough drops, I gave the psuedoephidrine a go.

Yes, it was the stuff that made me loopy as a teenager, and yes, it still has the same effect now. I was on the floor half an hour later - not a metaphor incidentally - and was high as a kite for hours, much to the amusement of my friends. Nonetheless, I had planned to go curling** with the gang from work, which I decided I was up to so off I went. It was fun, though who would have thought that my natural clumsiness would have extended to being on an icy surface, wearing one slippy shoe-cover, and attempting to scrub furiously at the path of a large heavy object? Who knew? Several new bruises later and we headed off to Mel's, because it was 2 friends' birthdays and there was a fancydress party going on. All the girls were dressed as things beginning with D and the boys with things beginning with E (first letters of the names of the birthday boy & girl). Gravy, Ben & Nathan had gone as the Euro Ski Team (sponsored by Spam), which we just had to see, and other notables included a duck, a domino, and the most terrifying interpretation of 'Tickle Me' Elmo you're ever likely to see this side of a Stephen King adaptation. I managed to bear up till around midnight, at which point I started feeling very hot, and realised I was about to faint. I quickly crouched down and got helped out by the doorman, who had just had the flu himself and understood such things. I got home and went to bed, only to spend the entire night lying awake, naturally.

I went home from work early yesterday and today have called in sick again, on my boss's recommendation. Will probably go to the doctors, though this is not a decision to take lightly over here because a) I don't get sick pay so I'm losing money by being off and b) it will probably cost me around $150 to visit the clinic. I reckon I'll barely make rent this month at this rate. However, since I'm still a mucous factory (bouncy balls, anyone?), have a very sore throat which the pharmacist the other day reckoned was the beginnings of 'strep throat' and, on top of all of that, looks like I'm developing conjunctivitis in my right eye (thanks, surpressed immune system!), it might be a good idea. Plus I'm a bit scared of my boss and if I don't go she'll be cross with me. Ah well, that's what credit cards are for, I suppose.

Increased numbers of white blood cell thoughts from everyone please.

*Banff is full of such things. It was in a house, they had a large pool lined with plastic and several buckets of jelly. And yes, people got into their swimming costumes and wrestled in it. Gravy was one of them - wrestled with 2 bikini-clad girls I understand - and he is still finding jelly in all sorts of nooks and crannies.
**yes, the thing where you slide big lumps of rock along the ice towards a target, whilst your team mates scrub furiously at the ice with a broom. And in answer to your question, why not?

Kicking the horse

Yesterday I visited Kicking Horse with some friends, and faced some of the most challenging terrain I'd been on. I was with five good snowboarders and one very good skier (Rachel, Zander's sister) so I was a bit worried that I'd be left behind - particularly given that I hadn't skied for 3 weeks due to my leg still being swollen and painful (painkillers and a positive attitude got me a long way yesterday) - but nevertheless we headed straight for one of the trickiest parts of the mountain for our first run.

As we passed over Redemption Ridge on the chairlift, I told Rachel that I didn't think I would be able to ski it. She assured me I'd be fine - ha! - so I thought I'd just do my best and take it slowly. All very well, but 'taking it slowly' didn't seem to be an option once I got on to the narrow, bumpy terrain with drops either side because my skis kept gathering speed and I didn't seem able to find anywhere that allowed me to slow down. Consequently, I fell over alot. Then when we dropped off to the right, onto a super steep alpine path, I took one look and said to Rachel 'I have absolutely no idea how to even start turning on this!' She talked me through it and, despite falling over alot (again), I managed to get downhill onto a blue groomed run where I could let my skis rip. Back up the lift a second time to have another go and this time, following Rachel's advice, I decided to try to go with the speed a bit on the narrow bumpy bit. This quickly got out of hand, when I panicked and felt I had to stop now!, and only managed to do so by plowing head first into a wall of ice. I was wearing a helmet, thank goodness, but still came close to knocking myself out and instantly had a very vivid flashback to a dream I'd had a couple of weeks previously, involving big red and blue monsters, which seemed perfectly reasonable to me at the time. Rachel was laughing nervously and wondering if she needed to get the ski patrol, but being hardcore, I rested for a minute or two then skied down. I did sit the next run out (and, in all honesty, had a little cry out of frustration to boot) but then went back up to try again. Much better this time, as Rachel helped me work on side slipping properly. Then, futher down, we dropped off the left-hand side into Feuz Bowl, which was super steep but full of powder and I worked on my jump turns. Jump 1, not too bad. Jump 2, getting better. Jump 3, my right ski flies off and heads down the mountain at breakneck speed. Rachel skied down and retrieved it, whilst I slid down the huge steep powdery hill on my arse, with my one remaining ski held aloft and giggling all the way.

Lunch followed and in the afternoon we split into 2 groups: Gravy, Zander & Rachel headed to CPR Ridge, which sounded a bit hardcore for me with my dodgy leg and, already by now, tired and aching muscles, so I joined Scott, Ben & Jess hitting the groomed greens and blues.

Today I am paying the price for the physical exertion by having every muscle in my body feel like it's been run through a mangle, a couple of new bruises on my thighs to add to my ever-growing collection, a tiny bruise by my left eye and a sore chin. But hey, we had fun and thanks to my helmet I still have an intact skull, so that's always a bonus!