Pumptastic

Happy Hallowe'en! For those who haven't seen the pumpkin I usually carve, here's this year's efforts:



Doesn't look too impressive, huh? But when you turn the lights off it gets much much better:



Oh and Liddi? In your face...

That's Numberwang!

I went to Salsa tonight, but instead of doing 'normal' salsa, we were doing Rueda this evening. For the uninitiated, this involved a sort of salsa-in-the-round, where you all dance in a circle and are constantly changing partner. The instructor shouts out 'calls', such as "Abajo!" or "Peluquería!", which tells you which move to do next and the whole thing flows like a big and beautiful wheel.

Or at least, that's the theory. Of course, if you've never done it before - as I hadn't - the instructions are meaningless and I was horribly reminded of this causing me to spend most of the class in hysterics. Quite ruined the effect.

Although I am now the proud owner of a Darkplace DVD, sadly, it is not a signed copy. My friend Megan and I arrived at Virgin only to discover that every weirdo in London (and let's face it, that's a lot of weirdos) had turned up ahead of us - even the Virgin staff were saying they hadn't anticipated anything like it. They sold out of the DVD! Anyway, Megan and I said sod this for a game of soldiers to the 4 hour wait and went for a pizza instead. We did however get to stand just a couple of metres away from the boys and Richard/Dean/Thornton almost kind of looked at me, so that was nice. Naturally, I discovered I had absent-mindedly taken my camera out of my bag the previous evening so could only record the momentous occasion on the very crappy camera on my phone:


It is them, I promise...

Did anyone watch that 100 Greatest Albums thing on Channel 4 last night? What the HELL was Paul Weller wearing?

So...excited...can...hardly...write...

Hurray hurray hurray!

Not only is Garth Marenghi's Darkplace FINALLY coming out on DVD on Monday, but Garth himself, his manager Dean Learner and the actor Todd Rivers will be signing copies of the DVD at Virgin Megastore in Piccadilly Circus on Monday from 6pm.

And, as if that didn't feel like all my birthdays had come at once, a new series from the makers of Darkplace will be starting on Channel 4 on October 20th. Watch the trailer here.

As a small taster, here's a play in one act, written by Garth, to celebrate the DVD release (I nicked this off his site - sorry Garth):


DARKPLACE REVISITATUM
A PLAY IN ONE ACT BY GARTH MARENGHI

DRAMATIS PERSONAE:
GARTH MARENGHI
HELLHOUND 1
HELLHOUND 2
THE KEEPER

GARTH ENTERS THE STAGE. HE APPROACHES A GATE. TWO HELLHOUNDS STAND SENTRY.

HELLHOUND 2
Your name?

GARTH
Garth Marenghi.

HELLHOUND 1
Your business?

GARTH
The business of horror.

HELLHOUND 2
How might others know you?

GARTH
By my scripture o' blood i.e. Slicer through to Retch, my latest hardback release. Hellhounds! Why are your faces blank?

HELLHOUND 2
What need have we of faces when we have no souls?

GARTH
Fair point, makes sense. What call they me?

HELLHOUND 1
Some call you prophet

HELLHOUND 2
Others don’t

GARTH
Where do I stand?

HELLHOUND 1
At the doorway to your mind.

HELLHOUND 2
Do you want to come in?

GARTH
Open the door!

THE HELLHOUNDS MIME OPENING THE DOOR. GARTH WALKS THROUGH IT.

GARTH
Begone!

HELLHOUND 2
Shall I close the door to your mind?

GARTH
No, leave it open.

THUNDER. WE HEAR A VOICE FROM THE GODS.

KEEPER
I am the Keeper. Who is this that interrupts my slumber?

GARTH
Do we have to go through this again? What are the hellhounds doing? This is bureaucracy gone mad.

KEEPER
State your business.

GARTH
I have come for the Darkplace DVD. The time is now…

A BONY HAND DESCENDS FROM ABOVE. IT HOLDS THE DARKPLACE DVD. LIGHTING FLASH. HELLHOUND CHORUS HOWLS.

Tableau. Slow Fade.

Girly Vader

Ha ha ha ha


Funny Videos

Celebrity Wife Swap: McCririck v. Currie

John McCririck. I'm well aware that saying he's the most repugnant human being ever to have set foot on the planet, I'm not really giving you any earth-shattering news. It's pretty much a given, isn't it? From his habit of referring to his wife as 'The Booby', his point-blank refusal to do anything for himself at all (cooking, cleaning, washing himself - bleugh), to his habit of spending most of his time writhing in his own filth in bed - including eating his dinner there every night - any sane woman would commit hara kari at the thought of spending an evening, let alone a life-time, with him.

What is fascinating, then, is that he has found a woman who is prepared to put up with him. Surely that is proof, right there, that there is someone for everyone. Whilst most of us would forcibly drive a sharp implement through his skull at the first opportunity, she happily puts up with his disgusting behaviour. Amazing. Indeed, if you watched the E4 programme 'Wife Swap: The Aftermath'*, you'd have seen her justifying his behaviour time and time again, and criticising Edwina Currie for her perfectly reasonable frustration. I couldn't help be reminded of a few other individuals who have managed to brainwash others into believing their questionable or unsavoury views were reasonable: David Koresh, Marshall Applewhite, Adolf Hitler...

*really I wouldn't normally watch these sort of things. Honest guv.